It’s a Monday. Big things happen on Monday. For one, perhaps the most obvious one, is the birth of this new blog! I deleted my online store because it no longer brought me joy or revenue. I didn’t feel inspired or anything to make new designs, and I felt like I needed a drastic change in attention and awareness. I’ll tell you, it felt like a weight off my shoulder’s when I deleted the old website. I will still be selling cards and stickers through Instagram, but I will no longer be maintaining an online store.

Another choice was to let go of my old blog posts on my old website. I know I could have transferred all the data from one blog to another, but I didn’t. I needed to just clean the slate. Obliterate the slate. New slate? No slate. We’re climbing trees here. That might make sense to you but probably not because it doesn’t even make sense to me! We don’t even have climbable trees in interior Alaska. I have schizophrenia, in case you didn’t know, so sometimes I ride the tangents. They can be pretty funny. And I laugh at my own jokes, so there’s that. So, the new blog is a pretty big deal, but the surprises of this little Monday in March. I have been studying for a math Accuplacer test to try to test out of the basic math courses into higher level classes. Anyways, I have been studying for over a week–fractions, decimals, algebra, integers, the list goes on. It did not prepare me for the 25 question test. I bombed it. Yes, you read that right. Failed epically. And it made me laugh. I was a little taken aback by my reaction, my laissez-faire attitude, my acceptance of the fact that I might have to take some rudimentary classes. I would even LIKE to take the rudimentary classes. The truth of the matter is that I do not have enough knowledge of this subject to jump right into advanced classes. It would not do me any good. I want to learn at my own pace. So hopefully I will be able to take my first math class over the summer semester. Honestly, I am stoked.

Three years ago I would have never believed you if you told me I would be in a degree program for a BA in psychology. And enjoying math. It’s nice to believe in myself again. I love thinking about twenty-year-old Kaiyuh, lost and sick, and telling that little person that she would grow in ways she could not imagine. That she would survive, and not only that, she would thrive. I can’t help thinking about Kaiyuh from now, doing whatever good she is doing, telling me, “See? You never would have believed it.”

It’s so important to prune that in your life which does not add to it. If it used to do something for you, great. If it has fizzled, let it go out. There is so much more out there and internally, too, and they are worth pursuing as you let past flames die. It’s not always easy, but nothing worthwhile is. Usually. Bananas bring me joy, and they’re a piece of fruit. Sometimes it’s that simple. I don’t know much, but I do know this: i have surprised myself and will continue to do so. A math test isn’t going to bring me down. In fact, I will use that energy to strengthen my mind and resolve. It’s on me, and it’s on you, too. Surprise yourself.